It’s been another busy week for Danny ‘I’m fucking Danny Dyer’ Dyer, as the Queen Vic pub landlord reckons Good Morning Britain should dump Piers Morgan if it’s to improve. ‘He’s gotta go,’ the cockney geezer exclaimed. Elsewhere, on Celebrity Juice, Danny Boy had to ask daughter Dani’s boyfriend, Jack, about the nickname for her ‘lady bits.’ Only on UK TV, folks.
On the flip side, Phil and Sharon’s relationship looks doomed in the Beeb’s flagship soap, EastEnders, as Shazza embarks on a steamy affair with local mechanic, Keanu ‘not Reeves’ Taylor. Well, she is the daughter of Dirty Den Watts, after all.
Finally, Channel 5 have apparently discovered that the barrel has finally been solidly scraped, with confirmation that it’s axed Big Brother. Phew.
PS4’s Spider-Man is the UK’s fastest-selling game of the year
Insomniac Games’ web-slinging, crime-fighting adventurer has been riding a tidal wave of hype since its 2016 reveal, so it was hardly going to be a flop. Still, the fact it’s not only beaten God of War and Far Cry 5 – the latter of which is a multiplatform title – at the numbers game is a pretty big accomplishment, and a testament to the pulling power of Marvel’s iconic superhero. In fact, the only thing it wasn’t able to do was bump off Bats as the biggest superhero video game of all time: Batman Arkham Knight still rules the roost in that respect. Still, hats off to the Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Man, as it’s a cracking game. Keep an eye out for the promised New Game Plus mode down the line, too.
Yakuza Studio announces Judge Eyes
Toshihiro Nagoshi’s studio lifted the covers off its new IP at Sony’s pre-Tokyo Game Show event earlier this week, and it looks… well, a bit Yakuza-ish, to be honest. Okay, so that’s selling it a bit short. The main pull is that you’re a detective attempting to crack a bunch of grisly murders, with investigative elements offering a refreshing take on the usual bone-breaking thuggery of Yakuza. Having said that, you’re still going to get handy with your fists, and we’re also promised a bunch of barmy minigames too, so it’s obvious the apple isn’t falling quite so far from the tree. Still, it looks gorgeous, and sharing some DNA with its curb-stomping Sega stablemate is definitely no bad thing.
The Last Guardian creator is working on a new game
I’m a massive fan of Fumito Ueda’s works, but to be honest, it’s kind of hard to get excited about this news considering the guy takes a bloody lifetime to ship a product. Case and point: The Last Guardian was Ueda-san’s first game in a decade, and skipped a whole console generation. From what little details we know, his new endeavour is going to be just as big as PS4’s sprawling griffin-meets-boy puzzler in terms of scale, so we’re probably going to have a bit of a wait on our hands. Interestingly, I remember years ago Ueda said he wanted to make a first-person game; could he be looking to deliver on that ambition with this next title?
Forza Horizon 4 is getting 10 James Bond cars at launch
There’s been 24 James Bond films made to date (not counting the shitty remake of Thunderball or 1967’s Casino Royale), so picking 10 cars for Forza Horizon 4 probably wasn’t an easy task. To be fair, developer Playground Games has done a pretty good job. The Aston Martin DB5 is in there, as is the Lotus, both of which are some of the most iconic motors the Martini-drinking spy has got to grips with over the years. Interestingly, we’re promised that some of the gadgetry from the films will also make it into the game, although somehow I doubt you’ll be able to switch on the Lotus’ submarine functionality and drive off into a lake. That’s every Bond fan’s fantasy, right? That, or firing rockets out of your headlights. I’m not even a Forza player, but I’d definitely jump at the chance to take the DB5 for a spin around its sumptuous depiction of ‘ol Blighty.
Nintendo Switch Online launch date confirmed
Ninty has managed to refrain from charging gamers to play online for the past couple of console generations, which is pretty decent. Okay, so their online infrastructure was painfully rudimentary compared to the likes of Sony and Microsoft, but still, I enjoyed plenty of Smash Bros. Brawl and Mario Kart DS matches back in the day, so I’m not gonna moan. Switch Online sounds pretty decent so far, and the price the Big N is charging isn’t exactly exorbitant. I mean, yeah, I’d prefer not to have to pay for cloud saves, but you can’t have everything. The addition of some NES Classics is pretty sweet, although to be honest, doesn’t everyone already own about five different versions of Super Mario Bros. 3 by now? Still, at least you can play it with a NES controller.
Luigi’s Mansion 3 is coming to the Switch in 2019
Mazza’s skinny bro has been enjoying some solid time in the limelight as of late. First came the disturbing revelation that Luigi’s packing a serious plunger in his dungarees – ooh, er – and then he apparently met a grisly and unceremonious death in a Super Smash Bros. Ultimate trailer. Obviously the plumber’s life wasn’t cruelly snuffed out by Ninty, though the company still had to confirm as much on Twitter to concerned fans. This brings us nicely up to date, with the latest Direct event revealing that Luigi’s Mansion 3 is happening and coming to Switch next year. To be honest, I didn’t think this would ever happen, so it’s put a massive smile on my boat. The original GameCube title was a cracking little gem, and while I haven’t played the 3DS sequel, the chance to suck up some more ghosts with the lanky fella is exciting.
Final Fantasy VII and Final Fantasy X HD coming to Switch and Xbox One
Xbox One isn’t really a stranger to Final Fantasy games at this point, but the fact Switch is getting some of the series’ biggest entries to date is a massive score for Ninty. After all, there hasn’t been a mainline Final Fantasy game on a Nintendo home console for years now; fans have had to make do with spinoffs and remakes such as Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles and Final Fantasy III for Wii and DS, respectively. The planned lineup is great, though conspicuous by its absence is the fan-favourite Final Fantasy VIII, which many would argue is probably one of, if not the best entry in the venerable JRPG franchise to date. Fair play to Square Enix for including the severely underrated and beautiful, nostalgia-inducing Final Fantasy IX, too.
Don’t forget to check out some more of Nintendo’s Direct stuff if you missed it: New Super Mario Bros. U Deluxe, Animal Crossing, and Yoshi’s Crafted World are all coming to the Big N’s hybrid powerhouse, so tuck in.
Happy weekend, folks!
